The Thoughts of O

superbowl reflections

2012-02-06T10:02:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why they toss around the ham but do not eat it? Is it ham, right?

I saw two commercials with dogs, but none with cats. What happened to equality?

If they run around so much, why are some of the players still really fat? Are they eating the ham?

Can I have some?

meditate

2012-01-23T08:43:00.000-08:00

feels good to stretch & relax

especially when i've got a lot on my mind

all good stuff of course

can just be exhausting at times

kitchen kitties

2012-01-13T08:58:00.000-08:00

i know i'm a mess

so you don't need to say it

you don't need to look at me

it's not that i don't agree

i'm trying my best

to eat over my food bowl

to clean up all my fur balls

to wipe off all four paws

but sometimes i just can't

control it

and i vom

all over the carpet

sorry :)

love the couch

2012-01-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

sitting in the shape of a heart

four paws and a tail in one spot

yawn

2011-12-26T14:47:00.000-08:00

the break in

2011-12-24T07:29:00.000-08:00

me and Rowy broke into the nip cabinet

and we took turns having a taste

and now i'm all crazy and out of control and freaking out man ahhhhhhhhh

snowman morris

2011-12-22T12:33:00.000-08:00

for some reason

it just feels right

for me to be sitting here

with these other round, white creatures

christmas wishes

2011-12-21T14:02:00.000-08:00

Santa my bestie, slip some treaties under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good Mor

Santa, maybe, you'll hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa bestie, a feather toy that flies like brand new

I'll wait up for you here

Santa bestie, please hurry down the chimney tonight

Check me off your good boy list

aren't you just happy that i do exist?

Next year I will be so so good

if you check off my Christmas list

<3 thnx santa! Love, Morris

i'm back!!

2011-12-20T09:08:00.000-08:00

and i got so excited that i ran and ran and ran

and chased Rowan and chased Carlie

and tried to climb the Christmas tree

and jumped on all the couches

and i got so excited that i got really tired

but i don't want to be a bad guest and fall asleep right away

so i'm just going to just take a quick snooze

right here where they won't be able to see me

because i look just like a pillow

merry f'in christmas

2011-12-13T13:18:00.000-08:00

the holidays stress me out

im just gonna knock all this crap to the ground

and that will make me feel better

yeah. yeah that helps.

not purrrfect

2011-12-13T06:52:00.000-08:00

you asked me to play a pretty tune on my kitty piano

so i started playing a Mozart song & realized that i forgot how to

and then you told me to tell a joke and i thought i had something good

but i flubbed the punchline & nobody laughed because nobody understood

and then you asked me what a certain meow meant

and i really thought i knew

but i gave an answer and it was wrong, i messed that one up too

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'll never be a perfect cat

but if you'd love me regardless, we'll i'd really like that

'tis the season

2011-12-11T19:32:00.000-08:00

merry merry merry

i'm so happy

i'm dreaming of..

2011-12-09T13:38:00.000-08:00

i fell asleep & had a dream that i had six hundred claws

and the greatest plot to destroy my scratching post

breaking every single law, leaving no trace of my presence

it was the most awesome dream ever

and when i woke up i went to tell daddy about how cool it was

but i forgot the whole thing!

lost & found my box

2011-12-08T15:00:00.000-08:00

all those words, they always made me so happy

boxed away, you held the lyrical key to unlock me

all those promises, i thought i once heard you say

cat nip slurred lies and now i've lost my way

with your misguided directions i am only a reflection of

what i was before you let me out

can't get close enough

2011-12-07T16:26:00.000-08:00

i see you there. what are you doing?

why are you in the water? do you need help?

oh, weird. ok, well i want to hang but i'm not coming any closer than this.

always gettin' what i want

2011-12-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

dont'cha wanna give me treats when i'm good? (all the time)

'cause if i were you, you know i would do that

don'tcha wanna tell me that i'm cute? (very)

'cause if i were you, you know i would always toot your horn
and you know how much i love it when you scratch and rub my belly

dont'cha wanna? (you know you wanna)

are you gonna?

count on me

2011-12-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Auntie K,

When you're feeling sick from the bad food

or if you're feeling in a bad mood

you can always count on me to make sure you're warm and safe.

I'll stay by your side until the feelings subside

'cause I just love you that very much.

Love, Row

circularly dark

2011-12-01T18:09:00.000-08:00

blank as blank as a fired blank

violently alive to the senses

then you realize it's only purpose is

to make you think that life could change at any moment

it's only gunpowder

but still leaves that mark like a real bullet would

covered by a different bandage
but not as good as a real bandage could

i am.

2011-12-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

sequel

2011-11-30T15:04:00.000-08:00

♪ come little kitties i'll take thee away

into my apartment of magic ♫

-Hocus Pocus 2

cellular recycle

2011-11-29T11:22:00.000-08:00

my somewhat realistic, ideal dreams

teased their way through, pulled tight at the seams

but wear and tear will prove it's time

put holes in the stitch of those dreams of mine

my claws were too sharp for the needle to thread

a patch to keep the dreams secured in my head

but last night i closed my eyes to find

my dreams rearranged, outcome redesigned

and guess what i did just one week ago

i clipped my sharp claws, almost as if i had known

a gift ribbon's death

2011-11-26T13:26:00.000-08:00

spotted the ribbon, shiny & blue

captured the ribbon, ready to chew

nom nom & it's dead.
the end.

Oscar's Thanksgiving reflections

2011-11-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

life was hard my first three years

the people around didn't care much about me

one day they decided I wasn't worth it

they dropped me off, I was deserted

but God led me to the most wonderful shelter

where I was loved and warm.

still day after day I longed for my very own family

a forever lap to sit on

and one day i saw them, a mom & a daughter

who looked like they needed me too.

They'd just lost their Cuddles, a life long cat buddy

and couldn't even think of replacing him.

They were volunteering there to distract their minds

from the heartbreak of losing a friend.

I reached through my cage, touched my paw to her arm

and from that moment we all knew it was fate.

They took me home that very same day

and 7 years later I must say

how thankful I am to have that family I dreamt of.

Happy Thanksgiving <3

eye drops to heaven

2011-11-22T18:37:00.000-08:00

my eyes used to be so foggy

none of this is real, is it?

someone's playing a trick on me

a hallucinogenic visit to my mind

can't really complain, it's almost nice

to finally see again

the medicine cured my pink

click the nightmare

2011-11-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

'twas the nightmare before Cat-mas

and all through my brain

was a sound of loud whirring

chills ran through my veins

I tried to stay calm

but I needed to kill it

the search for my victim

it was such a thrill trip

but then what to my little eyes did appear?

a large pterodactyl

with big teeth and red eyes and a growling stomach

I closed my eyes & hissed in fear

opened them up and found mommy holding me near

she killed the big bird, I know she did :)

born under the L train

2011-11-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

Snuggles, the festival of lights,

happy, smart, spaghetti eating

curled up on the heated section of the floor

friendly when he wasn't sleeping

on the leopard bed with his brother Cudds.

tuxedo boy, always dressed up like a king

now he sits up on a cloud in heaven

watching things, making sure Rowan doesn't bite too hard.

the original original.

the young and the overweight

2011-11-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

It was a long morning for us both.

I thought she was never coming back,

and she didn't know where they were taking her.

Hours passed. I worried.

Where was everyone? Was Carlie okay?

I heard the jingle of keys near the door and bolted down the hallway toward them.

Carlie was back! She was fine!

At that moment I decided I was never to let her out of my sight again. Ever.

And so the obsessive love stalking began....

say chz.

2011-11-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

In our family portrait, we look pretty normal

but if you take a closer look, you'll see the reality of things.

Carlie has a cardboard problem,

Rowan's obsessed with necks,

Morris likes to eat loose fur,

and their manners are a wreck.

Morris sprawls out, belly up

Rowan attacks your leg,

Carlie will beg for all your food

and drools on the reg(ular).

Stinky, messy, furry cats with abnormal habits

I must admit, make life so very joyous.

kitty sumo wrestler

2011-10-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

takin' a break.

outside on the in

2011-10-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

I like to hang here.

High above the floor, level with the humans,

next to the bamboo plant that I chew on.

I suppose you could call me a tree dwelling cat,

living on the inside, of course.

But don't get me wrong,

I'm about as wild as the domestic ones get.

There's this feather bird that I've killed at least 800 times,

and sometimes I drag his body around just for the heck of it.

blissful thinking

2011-10-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

Found this leaf. Must have come in from the outside.

Reminds me of my days on Putnam Ave.

Oh, how I've worked my way up the ladder.

Me & Daddy living on the Upper West, vacation home Downtown.

Treats in bed & play time is all the time in between naps.

Could it get any better than this?

*thankful*

i'll sleep on it

2011-10-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

just thinking that things could be handled better

contemplating if I should write him a letter..

Dear Mr. President,

What are you doing?

Can't you see the problems keep brewing?

Is my money safe in my 401K?

I'm feeling uneasy with the areas left gray.

I think I know what I'm going to change

dollars to pounds will be the exchange

I hope you solve the debts

and pay off the bonds.

Maybe you'll get a clue

when we move 'cross the pond?

Sincerely,

Mr. Morris K.

*sigh*

This gives me stress.

I'm thinking too much, I can't obsess.

Perhaps if I close my eyes for a rest.....

abnormal relationship

2011-10-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

This is how we do our morning kitty hug.

I stand at the bathroom sink, feet warm on the rug.

Rowan jumps up on the counter, stands on two back paws.

I think he does this just because

he loves me

or he's crazy.

Family love

2011-10-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

A kitty snuggled on an arm.

"Are you my mother?" she said to the girl.

"Because your arm feels just like an arm on my mom."

"No, I am not your mother," said the girl.

"I am your aunt. But I will provide an arm whenever your mommy can't."

special package

2011-10-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

sup?

i heard that this was the way to the outside?

i found this box. it's wide and comfy

ready for delivery

you can just drop me off

at the fish shop, or whatever

i'll pay when we get there

what's that?

you don't accept snacks as payment?

what kind of service is this?

well then, you should really take your business out of the

kitty pages.

A Sony by Carlie Phillips

2011-10-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

Artist: Carlie Phillips

Song Title: Good Luck at the Vet Mama Cat

♫ Oh, tomorrow a surgeon's gonna take it out, ♫

turn around and say goodbye.

Until then Mommy, I'm not gonna let them

mold your frown and make you cry.

Don't you know?

Don't you know things will change?

It will go your way,

if you hold on for one more day.

♪ Can you hold on for one more day? ♪

(I will hold on forever.)

troubled

2011-09-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

I heard through the grapevine that cousin Morris has taken ill in the eye

and I find this news quite disturbing.

You see, he is just like a brother to me.

My eye is his eye and his eyes are mine

and if he is suffering from the pink, well then so am I.

Not physically I mean, but emotionally so

because I am not there to take care of my bro.

Get well soon little Morris man. <3

what you need right now.

2011-09-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

Spending too much time on the computer?
Keys and screens aren't cute.

Staring at a stack of documents that need to be filed?
Paper cuts aren't cute.

Being a sedentary couch bum with nothing to do?
I'm jealous, but getting fat is totally not cute.

Whatever your need, whatever your issue -
find instant relief with paw consolidation.

Four paws together, daily dose of cuteness.
Clinically proven to lift spirits in all situations.

why?

2011-09-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

are you looking at me like I'm sitting in the most uncomfortable position ever?

the guide to happiness

2011-09-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

if one day you need a break

and the world is too much, there's too much at stake

you have so much to do, you ran out of kitty shampoo

you ate a bird and then you caught it's flu

you washed your fur and now it's see-through

you ordered one tuna and they charged you for two

*sigh*

here is the guide to make you smile again

all of your problems, the human will mend...

Step 1: place face in hand

Step 2: scratch the whiskers!

ahhhhhh, all better.

a tribute

2011-09-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

thank you for driving us to swim practice at 5am,
making me laugh and laugh until I couldn't breathe &
for being an awesome dad to my best friend.

rest easy mr. D, always in my heart
and see you someday playing bass guitar in heaven.

a wonderful life

2011-09-23T21:47:00.000-07:00

a time to rest

reflect, remember, rejoice

to store my memories

in a hippocampus box

to always have

to always cherish

time to sleep to save my thoughts.

the transition of a soul

2011-09-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

celebrating my reincarnation from feline to human

with a lovely gift from Oscar.

Thanks to the original fuzzy. The inspiration. The O.

false light

2011-09-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

i'm not really this fat

i swear

it's the angle

Brooklyn bliz 2006

2011-09-01T13:41:00.000-07:00

chasing snow

swatting at the white

leaning on a window

want to have a bite

it looks so delicious i just want to have a taste

but when it's near my mouth is when it seems to be erased?!

W T F.

Dear God,

2011-08-31T07:50:00.000-07:00

it's me, Carlie.

been a while, i've been fine

hope the same for you

i stopped praying because i stopped feeling you here.

every day we used to talk

you'd tell me what to do

but it seems to me that you have disappeared.

maybe it's me, maybe i've sinned

but i miss having someone to talk to

so i'd like to ask, if you don't mind

to please bless this family of mine

and please knock out Rowan's teeth

i'm tired of him biting my ears.

love, Carlie

monorail cat hurricane update

2011-08-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

Gray Line running on schedule.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Black line running at slower speeds.

you know what time it is?

2011-08-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

time to do the wake up dance

get outtta bed

comic book heros

2011-08-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

CAMOUFLAGE CATS

blending into your papers

fading into your blankets

kitty bioluminescence

2011-08-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

attracting prey, anglerfish style

brightening your life like a firefly

His teeth are big but my hunger's bigger.

2011-08-23T07:56:00.000-07:00

Carlie is hungry. Rowan ate her food.

I say “where you been?”, but can see it on your chin

And my stomach rumbles and my eyes get thin.

My adrenaline thrives, I’m feeling alive

He don’t know what's waiting here this time.

My lid has blown, gonna have some swat fun

hate you much more and won’t let you forget

He needs a fright and now he's got one

He ain't seen me crazy yet

He lied to my face and said he was out cold

when I found that empty food can

I'm gonna show him what this little girl's made of…

monkey cat space training

2011-08-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

mission control, can you hear me?

interspecies lovin'

2011-08-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

http://www.slothster.com/2352-Cat-On-Boat-Plays-With-Dolphins.html

capture the throne

2011-08-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

a consequence of beauty,

pretty kitty.

sunshine & fibers

2011-08-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

i've got a carpet, got a carpet and it feels fine

i've got a rug and i've claimed it as all mine

ohhh oh oh oh

say what you want but you're never gonna make me

move from this spot, 'cause i'm way too comfy

ohh oh oh oh

so stay away.

Mommy I've got a plan...

2011-08-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

..run away as fast as you can.

she tries to put me in the bathroom jail
and then my fangs leave a little nick
I know why her face is looking pale
'cause I'm bad at this pet ishhh.

see, Carlie is a good girl
and my mouth is like a gutter cat
I'll just bite everything on you
at least you know that's what I'm good at.

Let's have a toast for the tooth snag.

Morris Stefani - Don't Meow

2011-08-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

You and me,
We used to hang together

Play with feather toys together, always.

I really feel

Confused with my best friend

I hope that we can soon make amends.

It looks as though, tonight I’m going home

And if that’s the deal

Well I don’t want to know.

Don't meow

I just want to keep on playing

But you tell me that I’m draining

I can’t help that I’m alert

Don't meow

I know just what you’re thinking

but you're committing friendship treason

Don’t leave me, ‘cause that hurts.

vampire

2011-08-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

tell me something that'll save me

i need a friend who makes me alright

tell me something that'll change me

i'm gonna love you with my sharp bite

show me your teeth teeth teeth teeth

food coma creepin'

2011-08-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

creepin' on them sleepin'.

complicated cardboard

2011-07-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

i am resting in a box

i am resting my mind

trying to quiet all the thoughts

that my brain waves seem to find.

a complicated cardboard house

to close my eyes & see

how the dreams will sort it out

and set my feelings free.

we miss little morris

2011-06-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

can't feel good all the time
and today's just one of those days
i've got a lot on my mind
but i'm just too tired to say..
how much i miss morris

so, alone in my thoughts
i lay with my head hung low
i feel so distraught
but i don't want my mommy to know
that when he is here I am happiest.

black is the new fur

2011-06-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

"smile with your eyes"

The smartest cat in the house.

2011-06-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

as she glares down at Morris and Rowan, she thinks....

"I'm too much of a smart girl to be held down by your simple ways.

Your existence may be nice but I need a life that pays.

I'll soon have the Greenwich Street address filled with Fancy Feast treats,

I work hard for myself and deserve a life that is sweet.

So please continue on with your mediocrity,

I'll be chartering private jets to the Caribbean Island of Carlie (that's me).

I promise I'm not a snob, though it may come across as that,

I just know that soon I'll be more than a simple house cat.

And you with your black fur and him with his white,

can continue on with your dominance battle, using all of your might.

But over here I'm quietly ruling this entire place,

and you don't even realize it's an irrelevant chase."

Professor Rowan, PhD

2011-06-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

I am teaching a class on PKU, Phenylketonuria,
the rare form, Hyperphenylalaninemia, at the place of my current employment, The Institute of Catducation.

I am particularly sensitive to PKU, because I am a victim of the genetic disorder. I can rub my whiskers on the package of chewing gum, but will never taste the sweet mint bursts on my watering tongue due to it containing Phenylalanine, something my body cannot metabolize.

I'm serious. If you have chewing gum in your bag I will sniff it out. I will stick my face in your personal belongings to catch the scent. I desire to have my breath stink of fresh wintermint, but can merely have fur carry the aroma like a beautiful perfume.

I am teaching this class so my students understand what I suffer with. The strong urge to chew the rectangular stick, the minty dessert I've forever longed for.

And I was asked by the Dean to teach this particular class, or rather explain to my students (and their parents) why I have occassionally sniffed their pants pockets (for gum, of course). Apparently someone mentioned my habit to the head of our department. So tonight I meet with the Dean, some students and their parents, to teach about PKU. Oh! and the Dean mentioned that the local police department may swing by too. My lectures are sure becoming popular.

best friends reunited

2011-06-12T18:55:00.000-07:00

you are the white to my black

the light to my dark

the shirt to my slacks

the bench in my park

and i never knew what i was missing

until you came in my home

and we started hissing.

what's my favorite thing to do?

2011-05-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

llik.

being feline

2011-05-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

sometimes there's a song in my head
but I just can't turn it into meows

it plays over and over again
a melody of expression
but I can't translate it for you

and I wonder if I ever will be able to
sing this song, because I think
you'd like to hear it.

and I wonder
sometimes whether or not
the cat really is the narrator.

I'm not as evil as I try to be.

2011-05-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

Ok - so am I disappointed that the world didn't end? Yeah, kinda. You know, when Mr. Camping spoke those glorious words about destructive earthquakes and fireballs consuming the Earth I thought, I like the way this guy thinks.

But, unlike the others, I know that God is too good to pull that crap. So day after day I mapped out my destruction of the world. Those fools would blame it all on God! ha!

It was detailed out to the perfect moment. At 6pm I was to push a button that would set off a series of underground explosions, to make those idiots feel the earth shake as Camping said!

But at 5:30PM I had just eaten my dinner and I was feeling really tired. I decided to snooze for just a few minutes so once 6PM hit I would be ready to go.

So am I disappointed? Yeah I am. Because I slept through my moment to shine. A Post 6PM world destruction just wouldn't have the same impact.

And I may or may not have also chickened out last minute. Don't tell.

an open letter to our neighbor

2011-05-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

dear neighbor in apartment 6G,

i don't know your name and i don't

know where you come from.

i don't know what you do for work

and i don't know what you do for fun.

but i do know that you play your music

way louder than you should

and i would come over there and do bad things

if there was a way i could.

i may not have claws and i may not have teeth

but i bet i'll drive you nuts

and when i'm done you'll cry and beg

and be scarred with emotional cuts.

i'll smear my food all on your floor,

and i'll vomit on your carpet.

i won't stop meowing 'til you cry,

meow and meow until you die.

i'll bat your mirror all night long

until you will admit,

that your music volume is unacceptable

when you live in an apartment.

Sincerely,

Carlie of apartment 6F

memory lane and construction sites

2011-05-15T19:25:00.000-07:00

Back in Brooklyn I used to sleep in peace

on my soft, comfy, brown leather couch seat.

I'd wake up only to hear the birds tweet,

or a rare passing car blasting a radio beat.

One day we moved from Shore Road to John Street

we left a world of trees and entered a land filled with concrete.

The Fulton Street Transit Center is still incomplete

and the sound of jackhammers is not something sweet.

I wish they could be a bit more discrete

so I could finally get some much needed sleep.

Why we've been MIA....

2011-05-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm on a Box motherfluffer!

2011-05-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

i'm on a box
i'm on a box
everybody look at me
'cause i'm sleepin' on a box!

i'm on a box
i'm on a box
take a good hard look
at that motherfluffing box!

the floor sucks
i'm on a box, motherfluffer
the couch sucks
i'm on a box, motherfluffer

Rowy's not allowed on 'cause he's a boy
motherfluffer
you'll never get your desk

'cause I'm on the box motherfluffer!

Here I go again on my own

2011-04-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

Now I don't know where I'm going

but I sure know where I've been

and I've made up my mind

I ain't wastin' no more time

Now if only I could reach the button............

Did I just hear correctly?

2011-04-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

That you are going on vacation?
I see you have placed things into your overnight bag
and you see that I have packed myself
into your overnight bag.

I am joining

Because I love you.

and I need you.
and you cannot go without me
or else I will bite you as you try to pack.
xoxo, your stalker

i forget how to chew sometimes

2011-04-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

Oh hey! I'm gonna follow you and you're gonna give me treats.

Okay? I'm ready to go to sleep but I need something to eat!

I'll be quiet at night and won't claw at your sheets,

I'll cuddle and purr and be nothing but sweet,

so just give me some snacks and we'll all be delighted.

I might swallow them whole because I am so excited!

advanced hibernation

2011-04-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

goodnight moon, goodnight stars
goodnight traffic, horns from cars
goodnight yelling from the bar
downstairs.

goodnight humans, black cat too
goodnight TV, Doctor Drew
goodnight colors, green, red, blue
and more.

my time has come to sleep away
to tune out thoughts about this day
I have nothing to do or say 'til May.

gnite friends and felines.

A classic case...

2011-04-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I ATE A LOT OF THE CAKE THAT WAS SITTING ON THE COUNTER.

NOW I'M HAVING HEART PALPITATIONS AND I CAN'T TAKE A FULL BREATH.

I FREAKED OUT AND GOOGLED MY SYMPTOMS. I'M PRETTY SURE I'M DYING.

Sugar Induced Anxiety Attack: (n) a sudden acute episode of intense anxiety and feelings of panic caused by a large consumption of sugar.

my thoughts regarding the new litter

2011-04-21T14:59:00.000-07:00

I am not a picky cat. I require very little. Daily meals, a warm place to sleep and a box where I can do my business. I have noticed a new change to this box. I am NOT happy with it. The soft sand I once comfortably dug my paws into has been replaced by large chunks of pine. I see what you are trying to do. The white cat always arrives with the box of pine. You think the "natural" litter will be good for me. But it is not good when I boycott the pine. It is not good that I haven't used the box all day. I refuse.

This is the face of a cat on a box strike.

I might have a little bit of an attitude, but....

2011-04-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

Moved out of Brooklyn, left all my friends
I belong uptown & that's the truth
I have no reason to feel insecure
I've got toys and treats and still my youth.

Self-assurance is not a sin
Confident is something that I am
I love my life, I love my new friends, yeah
& amo a mi familia.

I am black, white and gray
Get pampered everyday
I'm on the right track
baby I was born this way!

shhhhhh

2011-04-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Aunt Kristen doesn't know that
when she falls 'sleep I sneak over
and drink from her water cup.

and when she wakes up and takes a sip
I think about how I drank it
and that makes me giggle.

hehehehehehehehheheehehe
don't tell.

i put a spell on you

2011-04-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

You are getting sleepy. Very, very sleepy.

Listen to my voice. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are no longer awake.

There is a large bowl of food to the left. Reach for it.

Yes, keep reaching. There is a giant bowl of Friskies below.

I am going to count to 3.

When I say the number 3, you will reach as far as you can.

1.....2.....

silly evil cat.

we need an update here

2011-04-14T12:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=n_hkgzWuAxg

I mean, because you kinda don't know if this little guy makes it out alive.

ET phone Glowy Rowy

2011-04-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am an alien. My eyes are glowy, glowy, glowy.

My name is Rowan, but the humans call me Rowy!

I came from SPACE to scare you but then I got stuck in this place & with abundant food & kisses I don't even miss my home planet.

At first I had a sad when I told Mission Control that I did bad, but I've never been happier than I am hanging here on John Street.

quakes & oats

2011-04-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

The humans went to work and accidentally left the television on all day. Usually I am busy with snacks or naps when the TV goes on at night, so I never pay attention. Today I sat down, watched, absorbed for many, many hours. What I have observed/learned:

1. It will be partly cloudy this weekend.

2. Dr. Phil is soothing yet frightening at the same time.

3. The world is in self-destruct mode.

4. A yellow sponge and his friends live at the bottom of the ocean.

5. It's relatively inexpensive to build a DIY home entertainment center.

Per number 3, I have decided to hang in my safe room for a while.

sad update

2011-04-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

Morris, the white cat, has gone back to his daddy. Kittysitting has ended for this round. There will be no picture today because I has a sad.

Rowan, the black cat, is sleep licking the same spot on his paw over & over again.

Carlie, the gray cat, was cuddling on the couch with her Mama but just ran away.

We all has a sad because Morris is gone.

http://www.hasasad.com/ I own this. Send me your pictures of things, ppl, objects that look sad and if I can figure out how to do it, I will post your picture. kristen@hasasad.com ..... TRUTH!

indecent exposure

2011-04-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

belly belly belly belly belly belly belly belly

won't let you take a bath until you rub my belly

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Advice

2011-04-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

If you wake up one day and find that your tail has stopped working, give it a few hours before you panic.

Church of Christ, Feline-ist

2011-03-31T18:27:00.000-07:00

Forgive me Father for I have sinned... I have never been to confession. You see, 5 years and 10 months ago I was birthed as a dark cat in the junkyard of evil. Overwhelmed by my aura, my mother chose to immediately flee this Earth by way of car, however I used the strength of my mind to nurse myself to life. Father, I cannot help that I have been created by the lord of dark cats, equipt with extremely sharp teeth and the desire to bite. It is only my nature. I cannot help my fascination with necks, as the dark side whispers that this is the easiest way to kill my prey. But I desperately want to be good, so here I am, confessing that I have sinned with my actions and my thoughts.

I JUST WANT TO TAKE A DAMN NAP AND WAKE UP WITHOUT THE NEED TO DESTROY EVERYTHING. IT'S SO FRIGGEN EXHAUSTING.

nothing corporate

2011-03-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

So here I am, here I am. Well, I woke up in a box. I chased away that hog so I could eat my Friskies in peace. Not a penny, it won't cost and I've never felt so much at home. I woke up in a box in New York City.

Excuse me..

2011-03-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

Can't you see we are busy being best friends?

contemplating kitten

2011-03-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

Rowan said, "I've had enough of life 9, bring me to the next! I've got 8 more to use and I've hit the glass roof.

I'll see the world and fall in love with a Calico Queen.

Yes, number 8 will bring me what I need."

Morris objected, "Don't trust what you read in those books,

it's not true! This life is the only one for you."

Morris filled his lungs with fresh air and used his vocals as if he'd been waiting his entire life for this moment.

(insert tunes)

"I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend...

and if you do not want to see me again, I would understand."

And then Carlie interjected from over on the couch,

with a condescending tone she called out...

"Jump, you beast! Life 8 will be so sweet!"

And then she laughed when he landed on his feet.

Silly cats, trix like that are for crazy people.

------------------------------

When I find myself in times of trouble..

2011-03-20T20:30:00.001-07:00

Sometimes a human is the only cure for things that make the world a sad place.

Latch on my fellow friends. Don't let the good ones get away.

::nip trip::

2010-03-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

Everything happened so suddenly.

My afternoon routine was almost complete.

I'd finished the last lick of Friskies in my bowl, stretched for a moment, and walked over to the scratching post... when I caught a sniff of the good stuff.

Mommy knows what it does to me; she calls it "groovin'" when I nip and pass out.

But I just couldn't resist the scent. It drew me in. She'd drowned the scratching post with it and I uncontrollably inhaled and ingested as much as possible.

Last thing I remember I was chasing a purple squirrel through a jungle gym. The squirrel spoke like a dolphin as he swam through the ball pit. He blended in, I lost him, and all of the colors began to swirl! It made me dizzy, so I decided to take a nap on a cloud.

How appropriate that when I arose from my nip trip the television was playing Half Baked.

Mommy was sitting next to me and I had ripped apart a large section of the blanket that Mommy was crocheting. The blue blanket. My cloud.

Don't nip meowsters, it ain't worth it.

hearts. Oscar

::my day off::

2010-03-12T11:05:00.001-08:00

10:00am

Mental health day.

The humans have been excessively needy lately.

Today I don't want any hugs, any kisses, any play.

Today is ME time. Oscar's day off. All of my responsibilities (digging in the blankets, eating the house plants, stalking the humans) have been put on hold until tomorrow.

The family is gone for the day. THANK GOD. I'm going to put on 106.7 Lite FM and meditate.

---------------------------------------------------------------

11:30am

I placed a call to my masseuse and ordered a half hour full body massage and a half hour paw rub and nail clipping. I am now so relaxed and refreshed. My nails are so sharp and I no longer feel the need to claw the furniture. The humans will be happy about this.

-----------------------------------------------------

1:00pm

I put the finishing touches on my self-portrait. Uncanny resemblance. What do you think? I've been working on this project for about a month now. It's taken a while. I need total silence when I paint, and the family always has the television on. It is very distracting and disrupts my creative process. Today I was able to complete the painting.

---------------------------------------------------------------

2:30pm

Considering today was my mental health day, I actually got a lot accomplished. I had my nails clipped, finished my self portrait and spent quality time reflecting on my life. The last thing on my "TO DO" list was catch up on Lady Gaga news.

There's just something about the way she does her monster claws that makes me feel alive.

And on those days when I just feel like there's no house cat out there who understands the way I think... I remember Gaga... and all is well and balanced in my world once again.

------------------------------------------------------

LOVE XOXOXO

OSCAR

::creation::

2010-03-11T13:04:00.000-08:00

On the first day God said, "Let there be light..."

On the second day God said, "Let there be sky..."

On the third day God said, "Let there be land, sea, plants..."

On the fourth day God said, "Let there be sun, moon, stars..."

On the fifth day God said, "Let there be PAWS..."

On the sixth day God said, "Let there be domesticated cats..."

And on the seventh day God said, "REST."

WHAT???! THAT'S WHAT I LEARNED IN PUBLIC SCHOOL.

::my awards::

2010-03-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

Well my fellow felines.. tonight is the big night. Obviously, the awards show that was named after me. Please let me give you a brief background on this.....

Six years ago I was birthed as a teeny orange puff. I know it may be hard to imagine this because of my immense size these days, but it is true. My biological mother was a true feline movie star legend who was the Cat Fancy centerfold almost a dozen times. A true talent and beauty. My biological father was a rock superstar; the lead meower in the band Guns N' Scratches. However, my father suffered from the disease of catnip addiction and sadly overdosed in a nip field when my mother was pregnant with me.

On the day of my birth my mother decided to dedicate my life to that of my father's. His middle name was Oscar therefore that became my name. My mother used her superstardom to create "The Oscars" to honor her fellow talented friends in the name of me and in the honor of my late feline father.

So friends, tonight I'd like to honor my Oscars. The awards show have since been sold to network television humans, but the name continues on in honor of me and my father.

My Oscar's go to...

Rory ... for world's best girlfriend. She cooks me delicious Friskies meals and flips my scratching post when I've scratched it to it's limit.

Rowan... for most entertaining cousin. He always knows how to make me laugh when I call him and am feeling a need for bro time.

And my beautiful cousin Carlie... for giving the best advice and always giving a helping paw whenever I need someone.

Enjoy the show kittens and keep on purring.

Love, Oscar

::salmon photos::

2010-03-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

TODAY I WAS ASLEEP AND THEN MY MOM WOKE ME UP. I FELL ASLEEP ON HER CLEAN LAUNDRY PILE AND IT SMELLED SO NICE AND WAS SO WARM. I HAD DUG MYSELF A LITTLE CAVE AND DRIFTED OFF.

WHILE I WAS ASLEEP I HAD A DREAM ABOUT MY DAD. HE WAS GIVING ME BREAKFAST AND IT WAS A LARGE SALMON. IT WAS THE MOST DELICIOUS BREAKFAST IN THE WORLD.

BUT SUDDENLY THE SALMON STARTED TO BE ALIVE AGAIN AND WAS MAKING THIS CLICKING SOUND. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! CLICK CLICK CLICK. WHAT KIND OF FISH MAKES THIS SOUND ???

EVENTUALLY, I WAS SO DISTURBED THAT I OPENED MY EYES. I FOUND MOMMY HOLDING A BLACK BOX UP TO MY FACE. IT WAS MAKING CLICKING SOUNDS JUST LIKE THE SALMON IN MY DREAM!!! DID MOMMY KILL THE SALMON FOR ME AND PUT IT IN THIS SMALL BLACK BOX?

YES SHE DID. BECAUSE SHE'S THE BEST. THE BEST THE BEST. SO NOW, WHERE ARE YOU SALMON. IT'S BREAKFAST TIME.

::Gold Medalist::

2010-02-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

The 2010 Winter O(scar)lympics:

Our big wins...

Category:

Smushing Ears

Distant Tail Curling

Board Game Destruction

Oscar wants to thank his fans and the good people at Friskies.
xoxo

::bonsai::

2010-02-06T11:46:00.000-08:00

Oh this looks delicious.

Maybe I'll just try a little.

WHAT? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING...

::bath time::

2010-01-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH!
;)

xoxmeow